“Why I Won’t Commit… Yet”
One die-hard bachelor who’s been on hundreds of dates reveals his reasons for staying single—and 10 things women should do on a date.|
have been on more than two hundred and fifty dates in the last six years. And, on behalf of my fellow single American male peers, I feel the need to air some things that I, and men everywhere, find complaint-worthy. Many are small things that drive men away, or drive us slightly nuts. But if single women would just take a few of these helpful suggestions into consideration, we could change the world. Or, at least, make a man here or there enjoy a date a smidge more and consider settling down a whole lot sooner.
1. Do not insult my black leather couch. It’s been around a lot longer than you. And I can clean it with Windex.
2. Don’t tell me about the conspiracies and evil schemes of your coworkers. I don’t
know these people and I won’t care about any of this drama unless it involves guns or sex.
|Do not insult my black leather couch. It’s been around a lot longer than you.|
3. Don’t do the feign where, after dinner, you take your wallet halfway out of your purse when the bill comes, saying, “Oh… wait a second, here… wait… Are you sure?” We know it’s almost certainly an empty gesture. If you asked me out, you can make a push to go Dutch or to pick up drinks without risking this negative overtone.
4. If you’re overweight, don’t try to bring attention to it in some mitigating way, such as “I broke my foot last winter and have gained so much weight, I can’t stand it.” All a guy hears is, “I’m sure you find my extra weight unattractive, but I’m hoping you’ll overlook it.” Pretend you really believe that you’re attractive. Every guy drooled for at least one enigmatic woman who was a good twenty or thirty pounds overweight but had the personality and magnetism to make her weight a non-issue.
5. Don’t pull the “I’m pissed off at you but I’m not going to tell you why” stunt. If I do something that incenses you, either dump me or speak up. Do not attempt to make me figure out why you’re angry. This is the most annoying trait you can demonstrate in early courtship. I know you’ll do it occasionally if we get serious, but if you do it in our early dating phase that means you will do it constantly.
6. Don’t tell me your timeline for getting sexual. Telling me, “I never sleep with guys until we’ve dated at least a month—just my little rule,” won’t make me think you have especially high standards. It’ll make me think you need artificial timelines because you don’t trust your instincts. If I become a real jerk and push you into telling me when I’m going to get some, be direct and say, “I’d like to wait until we’ve dated longer.”
7. Express open-minded interest in something I bring up that you have no interest in at all. I’m doing this for you constantly, so reciprocate just a little. Instead of saying, “I don’t watch television, so I’ve never seen that show and don’t know anything about it” try, “I’ve heard about that show but haven’t seen it—what’s interesting about it?” See how easy?
8. If I talk on and on about myself, don’t immediately assume I’m an egocentric conversation hogger who never shuts up. It might be because you’re letting uncomfortable silence persist after
responding economically to my questions. Say something interesting. If I don’t let you finish your sentences, label me an ass and move on.
|Ask me one question—just one question about me or my life.|
9. If we only had dinner, let me call you. If the date was an event in which I bought you some ticket or admission that cost twenty dollars or more (a play, opera, concert, wine tasting, anything above a movie), call or email me the next day with a brief second thank you (the first should have come at the end of the date, though it’s omitted quite a bit). Do this whether you want to see the guy or not. It shows class.
10. Ask me one question. Just one question about me or my life. Don’t spend three hours responding to my questions, talking enthusiastically about your own life, or waiting to be entertained. Asking a question that indicates you have some interest in my life, and letting me answer it, will put you in the top 3 percent of great dates. And the more questions you ask, the greater your chances that any guy, die-hard bachelor or not, will fall hard and give up anything to be with you.
Ron Geraci is the author of The Bachelor Chronicles, a memoir of his dating travails.
Bachelorism: Be a part of the cure. www.bachelorism.org
Copyright © 2006 by Ron Geraci. Published by arrangement with Kensington Publishing Corp. All rights reserved. Buy this book at Amazon.com.