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Get In A Sexy State Of Mind


Feeling stressed, tired, or just too blah to get busy with your amour? Try these tips to get in a friskier mood anytime, anywhere.

By Sari Locker, Ph.D

ost people spend most of their day feeling anything but sexy. Blame it on how tired you are, that your work clothes are uncomfortable, that rush-hour traffic has you in a foul mood—whatever. And while you can’t exactly flip a switch and instantly feel relaxed and frisky when out with a date, there are quick and simple ways to get ready for romance. Try these tips for an instant erotic boost, and see for yourself.

Work up a sweat
Notice how you always feel fabulous right after a workout? That’s exactly why you should try squeezing in gym time or even just a brisk walk before your romantic rendezvous. Exercise can be a libido booster, and for good reason: Not only are you
Exercise can be a libido booster, and for good reason: Not only are you getting energized, you’re also improving your body image.
getting energized, you’re also improving your body image. Elizabeth from Rochester, NY, never fails to follow this rule, with great results. “I could be totally dreading the date because I’m tired or just feeling blah, but once I’ve clocked a half hour on the treadmill, I feel like a new person,” she says. “Although I know it’s all in my head, I actually feel slimmer afterwards, which can make me more confident and ready for romance.”

Stimulate your senses
Simple but true: Feeling sensual largely comes down to giving your senses something to savor. For instance, when you’re digging through your closet, consider wearing something made of silk, satin, suede, or some other material that’ll feel fabulous against your skin. Jason from San Francisco, often reaches for his suede button-down on date nights. “It feels luxurious, and for some reason, I’ve had good luck on dates with that shirt,” he says. “I think it’s because women often see it and say ‘Wow, that shirt looks so soft,’ and ask if they can touch it. Hey, I’m not complaining!”

Put on a show
Whether they admit it or not, many single people get pumped for passion by boogie-ing or belting out a tune. Says Alison from Portsmouth, NH, “Right before I have a date I blast Madonna tunes and salsa music, and dance around my apartment. The music makes me feel energized, and the dance rhythms get me in a sexy state of mind.” Putting yourself in the spotlight and expressing yourself can keep a strut in your step all night.

Whether you reach over to hold hands or ask for a back rub, feeling skin on skin has a way of bringing you back into the sensual moment.
Get in touch with your turn-ons
People’s lives are so full of distractions, it can be hard to find time to tap in to your turn-ons. That’s why keeping some notes or even a journal on who or what excites you most can help. Don’t worry, you don’t have to write an epic; just take a few minutes now and then to jot down how incredible it felt to make out during a thunderstorm or how great it feels when your sweetie strokes your hair. Ellie from Boston, MA, swears by this method. “I write about the guy I’m seeing—what I feel like when I’m with him, the way he looks, and some sexy moments we’ve had.” Once they’re in writing, these notes can trigger exciting memories and serve as a jump-start for your libido when you’re heading out on a date.

Harness the power of touch
On your date, if your mind wanders back to that upsetting thing a friend said or your back-stabbing co-worker, try engaging in physical contact with your date. It can be one of the best ways to clear your mind and get back in the mood. Whether you reach over to hold hands or ask for a back rub, feeling skin on skin has a way of bringing you back into the sensual moment. Myra from New York, NY, uses this method: “Rather than tell my guy that I can’t get in the mood when I’m obsessing about work, I’ll ask him to massage my shoulders. As soon as his hands start working my muscles, I relax and appreciate what we have together. And that’s a real turn-on.”


Sari Locker is a sex educator, TV personality, and author of the bestseller, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex. She has an M.S. in Sexuality Education and was the host of Late Date with Sari on Lifetime Television. Her website is www.sarilocker.com.
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