Celeb Love Lessons (Not!)

Go ahead and adopt celebs’ clothing styles and pet causes. But when it comes to relationships, think twice before following in these famous folks’ footsteps.

By Amy Keyishian

hether you like it or not, celebrities spearhead lots of trends these days, from the sublime (rallying for Africa) to the slightly ridiculous (toting around rodent-size pooches). But when it comes to love, perhaps we’d all be better off not taking notes from the stars. Why? Well, lately it seems as if they are unraveling in the relationship department. We came up with a don’t-do-this primer—a collection of some really wrong moves we’ve seen recently that we hope you don’t emulate.

Move to avoid #1: Not being clear on each other’s long-term relationship plans before getting in too deep
When Renée Zellweger and Kenny Chesney filed for an annulment after just a few months of marriage, they explained that they hadn’t realized the differing “objectives”
It’s called "jumping the couch": The louder Tom Cruise declared his love for Katie Holmes, the less we believed him.
each had for the union. Our advice: Talk about your definition of couplehood way before words anywhere close to “Will you marry me?” are uttered.

Move to avoid #2: Refusing to acknowledge a relationship everyone knows you’re having
Um, hello, Brangelina?

Move to avoid #3: Declaring your love too loudly
This is now officially known as "jumping the couch" after Tom Cruise’s furniture-hopping and exulting about his love for Katie Holmes. It’s fine to be in love and feel like shouting it from the rooftops, but, hey, you don’t actually have to do so. Because somehow, the louder you holler, the less people believe you.

Move to avoid #4: Going too far to prove you’re not cheating
Last June, when Russell Crowe couldn't get through to his wife in Australia from his New York hotel, he hurled the phone at a concierge in anger. "I'm trying to fulfill my basic obligations to my wife who needs to know I'm in bed, and that I'm alone," Crowe explained in his defense on Late Show with David Letterman. “She wants to know and I try to respect that.” Letterman’s retort: "I would think in this case being in prison probably put her mind at ease.” Sure, do your best to make a call or send a message if you’re in that sort of “check in with me” relationship, but — please — don’t get violent.

Move to avoid #5: Giving in to temptation and cheating with someone very close to home
If a guy’s going to cheat on his fiancée, doing so with a member of the household — as Jude Law did with nanny Daisy Wright — ramps things up to a new level of deceit. In Law’s case, the evidence was so strong he was forced to fess up to fiancée Sienna Miller last July. Not exactly a great way to move your engagement ahead, now is it?

Move to avoid #6: Letting material goods outshine your love
When Star Jones said “I do” to Wall Street banker Al Reynolds last year, heartfelt vows weren’t exactly the highlight. Rather, it was this bride’s 27-foot wedding train, a crystal tiara, a star-studded guest list, and an array of lavish freebies from companies courting a plug on Jones’ hosting gig The View. Sure, it was a stunning spectacle, but there’s nothing wrong with letting a simple little thing call love carry the day.

Move to avoid #7: Thinking that five days is plenty of time to recover from a divorce and remarry
Yep, five days: That's how long Marc Anthony let the dust settle on his divorce before getting hitched to Jennifer Lopez. So much for being once burned, twice shy. Call us old-fashioned, but we think waiting a few weeks or months wouldn’t have hurt.

Amy Keyishian is a freelance writer living in New York City. She subsists on a steady diet of celebrity-gossip hors d'oeuvres and scandal cocktails.
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