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Survey - How Many Dates A Week Works Best?


In our exclusive Happen/Match.com survey, we asked 1,500 single people: How often should new couples see one another? The answer may surprise you.

By Samara O’Shea

our first date was a smash hit—the lighting was right, the conversation stimulating, and the goodnight kiss was amazing. So now what? Should you wait a bit before seeing them again to avoid looking too eager? Should you play it cool by only seeing one another once every couple of weeks?

We asked more than 1,500 Americans that very question, and the consensus is in: Taking things slow is a pretty big waste of time. Forty-four percent of those
The accelerated pace of our lives leaves little room for game-playing. So don’t wait—call your date!
polled think you should pick up the phone immediately and continue seeing this wonderful person once a week, with 48 percent saying you should see your date a couple times a week. A way-romantic 8 percent even said you should deploy some major bonding moves and see each other three or four times a week. Talk about intense!

Why is playing it cool so passé? That’s due in part to the accelerated pace of our lives in general, which leaves little time for game-playing, says psychotherapist Sharyn Wolf, author of So You Want To Get Married: Guerrilla Tactics for Turning a Date Into A Mate. “Today, you can bake a potato in seven minutes vs. forty-five,” she points out, and so we want all aspects of our lives to operate at warp speed. And the high-profile, fast-forward relationships of stars like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes may lead regular folks to expect the same kind of quick results. So much for that book The Rules or movies like Swingers, which mandate that you should play hard to get to appear more desirable.

“Playing it cool is an attempt to create a false sense of ‘I don’t need someone.’ That can be damaging to a relationship,” explains Wolf. “Just express your genuine feelings. If your senses tell you that you want to see this person again — and soon — then don’t deny it. I know there’s a fear of coming on too strong, but if the other person is turned off by your enthusiasm toward them, they probably wouldn’t be able to appreciate the real you anyway.”


Samara O’Shea is a New York-based writer who’s contributed to Woman’s Day and All You. She freely admits to having no game.
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