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RELATIONSHIP COURT
Can Early Birds And Night Owls Ever Get Along?
She conks out early, he’s up all night. Is this couple doomed due to bad timing? Judge Marilyn Milian from The People’s Court decides.
By Judge Marilyn Milian
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Relationship case #4: “Help, our schedules are out of sync!”
Plaintiff: Michelle, 28
Your Honor, thank you for hearing our case. The problem is, I'm an early bird and my boyfriend Andy’s a night owl. What tends to happen is, I'll start falling asleep earlier than he will, and that frustrates him because we’re often in the middle of a movie and he'll be sad that I missed out on it. It’s also disturbing to me since he'd still be watching the movie and loudly laughing even though he knows I’m nodding off. Another issue is that he'll want to get frisky before he goes to bed. Problem is, I'm already out like a light! Then, in the morning, I'll start coming on to him because I'm ready for it... but he’s dead to the world. I love Andy deeply, but why can’t he just go to sleep at a decent hour already?
Defendant: Andy, 28
Your Honor, I’ve tried many a time to get my schedule more in sync with Michelle’s. But it’s just not that easy—I can’t very well force myself to go to sleep early if I’m not tired. As for, ahem, intimacy—well, let’s just say I get more done at night. We both work pretty long hours, so the only time we really get to see each other and bond is in the evenings. I really think we should make the most of it. That’s why I get so frustrated when Michelle conks out halfway through a movie we rented together. Couldn’t she drink some coffee?
Judge Marilyn weighs in:
I appreciate that you two lovebirds want to spend every waking moment together, but I’ve got news for you: You can’t just mold your body clock to match your partner’s to a tee. Michele will never be a night owl; Andy will never be an early bird. What you guys need to do is learn to compromise and meet in the middle. Start the movie earlier. Take a nap. Drink some coffee. Even — yes — schedule sex. I know that doesn’t sound very spontaneous and sexy, but hey, it’s not very spontaneous and sexy to get dragged out of a deep sleep because your partner’s in the mood!
The verdict:
I’m dismissing this case on the grounds that neither the plaintiff nor the defendant have just cause for complaint. This isn’t that hard, guys: To make your relationship work, you both have to start making concessions. Just don’t take it too far—you are what you are, and your partner should learn how to deal.
The next time one of you gets frustrated with your disparate schedules, just remember: There is some value to spending some time apart. I, for example, conk out much earlier than my husband, and he loves using that time to catch up on his reading. Meanwhile, I usually wake up at six, drink a cup of coffee, check my e-mail, and have a little time to myself. It’s not that terrible; in fact, it’s pretty nice. You two might not feel that way yet, but just give it time — and throw a couple kids into the picture — and you’ll see exactly what I mean. Case adjourned.
In 2001, Judge Marilyn Milian became the first female judge to preside over The People's Court (peoplescourt.com), the original court TV program now in its 20th year. She lives in Miami with her husband and three daughters.
Got a relationship problem you need Judge Marilyn to solve?
Send us both sides of your story, along with both of your names, ages, email addresses and phone numbers in case we have further questions about your case. We reserve the right to edit your case and feature it in a future issue of Happen.
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How would you feel about your date using a Groupon (or some other discount deal) to pay for your date? |
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14% |
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Mortified that the other person seems so cheap |
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35% |
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I really don’t care one way or the other |
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51% |
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Totally support it… after all, dating is expensive! |
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