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Greg
Behrendt,
co-author of He's
Just Not That Into You
By Judy Dutton
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The co-author of the best-selling book He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth
to Understanding Guys shares some surprising advice about brush-offs
and break-ups.
 Describe
your own "he's just not into you" moments. What have you done when
you weren't nuts about someone who had fallen for you?
Did I do the things I wrote about in my book? Sure, how else
would I know? I've definitely avoided phone calls, or suddenly become
really busy. One thing I've heard so many guys say is, "We didn't
need to break up, we weren't really going out!" It seemed weird
to them to call a woman after just three dates to say, "This isn't
working out."
So,
have you ever broken things off face-to-face? What happened when
you did?
I'd
gone on a couple of dates with this girl; it hadn't even gone
beyond kissing. I met her in a coffee shop and said, "I don't think
this is going any further." I spent four hours in that coffee shop
with her in tears. She had just created some relationship in her
head. So, I can understand why people aren't always forthright.
How
about the reverse situation—were you ever crazy about someone
who was not that into you?
Sure.
I'd been dating this girl for a year and we even lived together,
and when I came home one night she was kissing some guy in our driveway.
She claimed it was just a peck on the cheek; I said it looked like
she was trying to get something off his tongue with her tongue.
It was a matter of great debate for some time, but I was so completely
deluded I bought her story. Soon, she moved to New York to be with
him, but even then I thought I could get her back. I can't even
tell you how pathetic I was.
So
when did it really hit you that she was gone?
Honestly,
when I got sober. I stopped thinking about her and started to
like myself more. I think the reason it takes so long to get over
people is we all want to be liked and loved, and we put all our
eggs in that basket. And what's strange is, you know there are people
out there who do like you, and of course you never call them. I'd
deliberately pick girlfriends I was uncomfortable around because
I didn't like myself.
Is
there such a thing as too much honesty when dumping someone?
Yes.
I once told a girl I wasn't attracted to her anymore. She hated
me forever. But hey, she asked!
So,
what's the best way to break up with someone?
It's
going to be unpleasant; asking how to do it right is like asking
someone how they like to be hit in the face. So be honest and don't
drag it out. Probably the best way you can say it is, "I'm just
not feeling it." People always want to know what they did wrong,
but rarely look inside themselves and ask, "What wasn't working
for me?" You have to see a breakup as an opportunity to learn.
Judy Dutton is a freelance writer livign in New York City. She once broke up with a guy by saying, "Sorry, my dog just doesn't like you."
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How would you feel about your date using a Groupon (or some other discount deal) to pay for your date? |
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14% |
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Mortified that the other person seems so cheap |
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35% |
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I really don’t care one way or the other |
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51% |
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Totally support it… after all, dating is expensive! |
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