10 Things Men Need To Be Genuine About
True love doesn’t come from you’re pretending to be someone you’re not, and a relationship that’s built on lies won’t last. So, guys, here are 10 things you need to be genuine about from the very beginning...
heeky actress Sharon Stone once said, “Women can fake an orgasm, but men can fake an entire relationship.” Clearly, nobody should fake any part of a romance. People have told me that ladies don’t want a fake boyfriend. They want a real man to fall in love with — someone who’s honest with them in all aspects of his life.
So, men, here are some things women say should
never, ever be fake about a man they’re seeing:
|Not saying anything is worse than just coming right out with the truth.|
1. Your real intentions for pursuing her
If you just want to have a fling, say so upfront. Or — at the minimum — don’t pull a bait-and-switch by faking intentions of looking for something deep and meaningful, only to admit to her after things have heated up that it’s a) a bad time for you, and right now, you need to devote more time to your own issues; b) that you’re recently out of a relationship and not quite ready for a new one just yet; c) you’re kind of seeing someone else; or worst of all, d) all of the above.
2. Your interest in dating her exclusively
Not saying anything is worse than just coming right out with the truth. If you’re dating other people, be honest about that so women won’t make an assumption about exclusivity where you’re concerned. (OK, obviously no one should assume anything until it’s spelled out on both sides, but during that initially gray period when you keep quiet to avoid bursting the romance bubble, just remember that you might imply that you’re exclusive through your actions.) The worst thing you can do is to act like you’re already committed to someone — i.e., frequent texts and calls, and also through what you’re not saying. In other words, by acting “relationshippy” when it suits you… and single when it doesn’t. By the way, sending flirty texts multiple times a day while never being available for a phone call? That’s bound to drive any woman crazy.
3. Pretending that you’re fine when you’re actually not
You don’t want to admit you’ve had a terrible day (or month, for that matter). Men typically prefer to gloss over bad stuff at work, tough emotional crises, and sad times in general. And while that stoic approach works in many situations — business meetings, in particular — it doesn’t work in an intimate relationship. I’m stereotyping a bit here, but I believe it’s true that women are often more intuitive than men, and they will sense that something’s wrong if you’re trying to hide it. It’s much better if she knows the truth — even if you don’t want to expound on the details — rather than letting her worry for no reason, or wonder if she did something that caused your mood to shift.
4. Wanting children
When you’re dating a woman over the age of 30, don’t think she’s desperate or crazy when she quickly seeks to gauge your interest in having kids. It’s really fair for her to do this, you know; after all, she has a biological clock to think about and you don’t. A woman who is interested in starting a family before her personal well runs dry deserves a straight answer about kids — especially if you know you don’t want any and realize she’ll move on if you admit it. She doesn’t want a man to feign interest in having children, then end up ignoring the issue once you’re in a relationship together, thereby dragging things out until it’s too late for her to viably have her own kids with someone else.
5. Your demeanor when spending time with her friends and family
Putting some effort into building a friendly, authentic relationship with a woman’s friends and family is one way of showing you care. White-knuckling your way through a family dinner or overly rushed visit with the people who matter most to her won’t endear you to anyone — especially her.
6. Your hair
Do you own a toupee? Maybe you feel better wearing a rug. If so, that’s fine, as long as it’s a really good one. But most women would rather you not fake having a full head of hair when you actually don’t. The Bruce Willis “Mr. Clean” look
beats rocking a hairpiece that screams out “fake” and “vain.” Basically, skip any grooming or enhancement choices that are obviously fake-looking or make you appear overly vain or insecure. This is why we have mirrors and buddies who’ll dole out the tough love — to stop you from embarrassing yourself.
|Everyone keeps a few secrets and harbors a few unshared fantasies, which is normal.|
7. Your willingness to compromise on something
Based on conventional wisdom, women are much better at compromising in relationships. They want to be happy, and want you to be happy, too. They don’t want you to fake interest in genuinely finding a middle ground to meet them on. Instead, women truly want you to move beyond acting out of pure self-interest and consider the overall happiness of the larger, coupled entity called “us.”
8. Your authority in making decisions
Women want men who are prepared to take control of any given situation, so don’t fake being “Jimmy Buffet level of laid-back” just because she says she likes Zen energy. Don’t buy into the myth that women want a modern, mellow man who will take a backseat position and let her make every decision for both of you. Man up and be authoritative when it’s needed instead of making her be “the bad guy” when you don’t feel like it. In other words, be the total package who is both in charge and respectful of her needs.
9. Being a mature adult
Women know the difference between spending rowdy nights out with the boys talking about games and stupid movies vs. someone who’s no closer to being a grown-up than Peter Pan himself. They also know the difference between men who talk a good game about having their acts together and slackers who have no idea what their lives are supposed to be about. Being an adult means having goals, working toward them, taking care of yourself and your family (financially and otherwise), being ready and willing to move to the next phases of life past your single days and everything that entails. That could mean building a home together and/or having children; you should at least be able to commit to all sorts of shared goals with a partner and facing issues together head-on with strength and resolve.
10. What you like and want to explore with her in the bedroom
No woman wants to find out after a relationship’s already ended that you desperately wanted to be more adventurous during the intimate times you shared together. Be clear early on about your interest in mutual satisfaction — both in finding out what she likes and telling her what you enjoy yourself. Everyone keeps a few secrets and harbors a few unshared fantasies, which is normal. But that’s very different from creating a separate (but important) world — a powerful, second sexual life — based on fantasy, porn, infidelity, or something else that doesn’t involve her at all.
For the other side of the story, read 9 Things Guys Say Should Never Be Fake About You.
Dave Singleton, an award-winning writer and columnist for Match.com since 2003, is the author of two books on dating and relationships. Send your dating questions and comments to him at firstname.lastname@example.org.