Quiz-Would You Date Yourself?
Do you think that you're dateable... or ditch-worthy? Take our fun quiz below to see how you really come across on dates — and where you might want to start stepping up your game.
"I don't understand why I can't find a match…I mean, I'd date me!"
Ummmm, be honest now: would you really? Sometimes it's easy to get so caught up in the "process" of finding Mr. or Ms. Right you end up forgetting that in order to attract the right partner, you actually have to be dateable yourself…meaning you're 1) fun to go out with, 2) attractive
to a potential mate (not just physically — you're also someone with whom a date would want to spend his or her time), 3) you know what you want in a match, and 4) you're ready for a real relationship and all that it entails.
|You're probably both just nervous and need to relax over a drink first.|
So, are you absolutely certain you'd still want to woo yourself? Take this fun quiz and see if you'd give yourself a second shot... or not!
1. You're meeting at a happy hour for your first date together. You're not sure after an initial glance whether you find this person to be physically attractive, so you decide to:
A) Flirt unabashedly with the bartender. There is no doubt that the "drink-pourer" is way hotter than your date!
B) Order a shot and slam it. Aren't "beer goggles" supposed to help with this issue?
C) Ask for a cocktail and make sure he/she gets one to sip, too. You're probably both just nervous and need to relax over a drink first.
D) Remind yourself that in some cases, attraction takes time to develop — and then make an effort to find out more about this person before passing judgment. You never know, sparks could fly after guacamole and a margarita are in your system.
2. Wow! Awkward pauses and silence galore. This coffee date is proving to be painful in the chit-chat department, so your next move is to:
A) Signal the waiter for the check; it's time to put an end to this misery — pronto.
B) Discuss the weather. With global warming and all, Mother Nature should at least get you through one latte, right?
C) Make an effort to be very polite and bring up the most recent books you've read. (Hey, if nothing else, maybe you'll learn something.)
D) Try to remember things that were mentioned in his/her profile and ask some related questions. If you can find a few commonalities, your conversation might flow better.
3. Your server brings you the wrong entrée after you've been waiting for over 45 minutes for your food to arrive at the table. You:
A) Rip the waiter a new one. No one treats you like that… and isn't it this person's job to provide good service? Your date will understand, because he/she is clearly paying!
B) Say nothing. You don't want to make waves or appear to be a high-maintenance type.
C) Mention to the server that this wasn't what you ordered, but decide to keep it anyway, because you want to be able to eat at the same time as your date does…and besides, this dinner isn't really about the food, right?
D) Ask your date if he or she would mind if you sent back your entrée, then request an appetizer on the house for you to share together while you wait for the correct meal to arrive. That'll give you more time to get to know each other, anyway.
4. You show up for your date freshly showered and coiffed. You're also sporting some designer clothes, stylish shoes and an expensive bracelet/watch. However, your date is in jeans, a ratty t-shirt and leather jacket…and suggesting you two head out to a dive bar together. Your next move is to:
A) Flag a cab and head back home. Seriously, would it kill this person to make a little effort to woo you?
B) Smile and say "Sure, sounds good," but secretly feel uncomfortable all night and wish you could sneak home and change your outfit.
C) Agree to the plan but then coyly slip your bracelet/watch into your pocket for safekeeping, undo a button or two, and mess up your hair a little bit. You're sure you can fit in with your date's preferred crowd/locale if you try…
D) Laugh and say, "Wow, I'm clearly overdressed for that, but if you'll excuse my formal attire, I'd like to beat you badly at a round of darts" — and then forget what you're wearing and have a great time, regardless.
5. You know that you're just not feeling that "spark" with your date by the end of the night, but you can also tell that he/she is totally into you. When the inevitable "Can I see you again?" question arises, you:
A) Laugh out loud and say, "Seriously? I thought it was pretty apparent that we don't have that kind of chemistry!"
B) Stammer something like, "Uh…sure, that might be nice, but…uh, I'll have to check my schedule and see how busy things are…" and then end up being stressed out for the next week, trying to figure out how you're going to get yourself out of this situation.
C) Say that you had a nice time, but don't promise to do anything more afterwards; then, you end the date by offering a kiss on the cheek and/or handshake. You're pretty sure that using this tactic should get the "just friends" message across to the other person.
D) Decide to be honest with your date (and yourself) by saying something like, "It was fantastic to meet you and I'm so glad we did this, but I don't really see this heading in a romantic direction, so I'd prefer not to waste your time."
6. Your date tells a joke that you find completely ridiculous and not at all in line with your sense of humor. You:
A) Roll your eyes and say, "Wow, I didn't realize you were into sophomoric humor."
B) Burst out laughing as if it is the funniest thing you've ever heard. Who cares if you didn't think it was the least bit funny? This is about boosting your date's ego!
C) Giggle a little to be polite but then change the subject to something that doesn't require talking about The Simpsons, since you're pretty sure you're not both going to find the same things funny.
D) Ask some more questions about the types of movies and TV shows your date finds to be funny in order to get a better feeling for his/her sense of humor (and
to see if you two might find the same kinds of things hilarious, just in different settings).
|Yes, you want to be pleasant, and no, you don't want to make waves on a first date…|
7. Your date keeps talking about hobbies and interests that are utterly B-O-R-I-N-G to you. You decide to:
A) Start talking about basket-weaving in exquisite detail (even though you've never done it) just to give him/her a taste of what it's like for you.
B) Keep nodding, smiling and acting like you're interested — even though you've already checked out mentally and are going through your internal to-do list for the next day.
C) Ask a few more questions about said hobby, since it's clear this is something that's important to your date; then, you try to shift the conversation towards something you'd like to talk about instead.
D) Try to find a subject that you both know something about to assess whether you might share other interests with your date. After all, you know that you need to find some common ground if this is going to work.
Understanding your quiz results
"Generic traits of good daters include being attentive, interesting, kind, considerate, honest and flexible," says Dr. Karin Anderson, author of It Just Hasn't Happened Yet. "But keep in mind [that] all those things could be in place and the person still might not be a good fit for you…which is why you should also consider intellectual compatibility, sense of humor, common interests/values and life goals."
On that note, the results of this quiz should help you suss out how healthy your own dating skills are while shedding some light on your sense of awareness about what it takes to be a great long-term match… and how to find one for yourself.
If you answered mostly A's: Overly demanding dater
If it's true that men like bit#$es and women are into the bad boys who treat them poorly, well, you're right on target. Unfortunately for your long-term prospects, however, most daters are ultimately looking for someone who is respectful and kind as opposed to high-maintenance and demanding. While you may think that honesty is the best policy, there is such a thing as being too honest (think "brutal") on dates. There's nothing attractive about rude behavior. "You may think you're 'keeping it real,' but you're probably coming across as a real jerk," says Dr. Anderson. "Furthermore, when dating, we assume we're seeing someone's 'A Game'… if you initially serve up insolence and disrespect, your date is likely to wonder how much more harsh you'll become when you let your guard down." Dating already makes people feel vulnerable, so you don't want to make it worse by being borderline hostile. To get a sense of where you lie on the spectrum, Dr. Anderson suggests asking yourself: "Am I being assertive, or downright uncouth?" Confidence can be a great asset when you're dating — just make sure to not take things a little bit too far, since you could come across as narcissistic (and possibly even cruel).
If you answered mostly B's: You say "yes" to duress
You'll likely seem very amiable and compatible on dates. The problem is that you may also not be showing your true colors. You're so concerned about pleasing your date that you won't speak up if you get served a hamburger when you ordered the Caesar salad, and you'll agree with whatever your date says (or wants to do) just to keep the peace. You may think this is a good strategy for landing a second date because you always try to make things easy, but in your efforts to be super-agreeable, you're also shortchanging yourself. Dating is a two-way street, and you deserve to have some fun, feel comfortable, express your opinions, and so on. If you go into a date with the solitary goal of pleasing the other person, well, that's the kind of precedent you'll be setting for the relationship… if it progresses. "Your date is trying to get to know you, not some edited version," explains Dr. Anderson. "Besides, how long can you keep up the act?" Even worse is being a dating chameleon — changing who you are based on your assumptions about your date's expectations. "If you're too agreeable, you may not get asked out on date #2 because you come across as boring," says Dr. Anderson. "Yes, you want to be pleasant, and no, you don't want to make waves on a first date… but be sure to be true to yourself." Most people don't want a partner that acts like a doormat; a better bet is to be friendly while making sure that at least some of your needs are also being met.
If you answered mostly C's: Charming companion
Why yes, you probably would want to date yourself! You've at least got a pretty good handle on what it takes to be decent company and a nice person to date. "You've got the flexibility piece down pat, which is fantastic…and you don't let anyone walk all over you," says Dr. Anderson. Of course, this doesn't account for chemistry (and all the other things that go into making someone a good match), but when it comes down to skills, you're a master at being polite and possessing solid dating etiquette. In other words, even if you're not going to walk off into the sunset together and live happily ever after, your date will at least go home feeling like it wasn't a waste of time. The one thing you can work on, however, is learning to really listen to your date to see if you're well-matched in key areas such as intellect, values and life goals. "Do you frequently get asked out for date #2 when it seemed clear to you that no chemistry existed?" asks Dr. Anderson. "If so, you may wish to examine the signals — or lack thereof — you're sending." Your adeptness at accommodating others may inadvertently communicate romantic interest when there's none actually there.
If you answered mostly D's: Mate-worthy match
If you were dating yourself, you'd probably be married by now. Well, maybe not on the first date — but you're definitely dating with an eye on something long-term and what it takes to make things work in a relationship. You're mature enough to know what you want without judging a book by its cover; you're honest, but also kind; you know how to keep a conversation going and you also recognize that like attracts like instead of believing the old idiom, "opposites attract." You're dating to see if someone has the qualities you seek in a match for the long haul, and you're trying to make sure that you also possess those key traits. Communication is important to you, and so is being a good listener. "You're definitely authentically you — and with your attentiveness, consideration, and social savvy, you're sure to prove quite dateable," says Dr. Anderson. "So why are you still single? No reason at all — you just haven't met the right one." So keep doing your thing, because you're definitely on the right track!
Kimberly Dawn Neumann (www.KDNeumann.com) is a popular New York City-based freelance writer whose work has appeared in such publications as Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Redbook, Maxim and frequently online. A certified dating/relationship coach, she's published two books: The Real Reasons Men Commit and Sex Comes First and is the founder of www.DatingDivaDaily.com.