8 Clues That A Cheater Has Changed
Your partner broke your trust, but swears to be faithful if you'll give it one more try. But how can you be certain? These signs will tell you if your honey's really trying to ditch those cheating ways.
our lover stepped outside of your relationship and you're debating on whether or not this person can come back into your heart. You meet someone new who has a huge reputation as a player. Would you give this person a chance?
For many of us, cheating is the one thing that can stop love dead in its tracks. Can cheaters really change? The answer is — yes! Here are eight
clues your cheater may have changed his or her stripes:
|There's a chance that your cheater has genuinely turned over a new leaf.|
1. Full disclosure about the cheating.
He or she is willing to tell you every detail that you want to know about the cheating. This person doesn't lie, run or hide from your questions about anything, including the painful stuff. If you want to see the cheater's phone, be given passwords to his/her social media and email accounts, or pop in unexpectedly on the job for a visit, this person is OK with it. In fact, the cheater knows that having done wrong in the past actually means that these mini-interrogations are necessary for getting back to your "happy place" again. People who are committed to change are not afraid to tell you or give you access to all, because in their minds, this is the price of having been wrong in the past and trying to build trust again.
2. Commitment to changing his/her behavior.
As a couple, you've agreed to work on the relationship and are committed to righting this sinking ship together. You see your lover behaving in different ways in order to regain your trust and prove that he or she really is in it for the long haul. If there's a clear plan on how things can be different for the two of you down the road and you're both doing the necessary work to make that happen, then there's a chance that your cheater has genuinely turned over a new leaf.
3. Admission that you are The One.
People change when they're ready, not because you ask them to. And while you can't make anyone change their cheating ways, if someone wants to be with you and believes the relationship is worth saving, change is indeed possible. Mostly you see this with an ex who was horrible to you when you were together, but appears to be great to the next person he or she gets involved with. It didn't matter how hurt you were then, how much you talked about it or how much couples' therapy you went through together — if he or she didn't want to change for you, it just wasn't happening. I know we get tired of hearing it, but it's one of life's truths: people change for those they deem worthy.
4. Patience with the process.
Your lover is not upset or thrown off that it's taking you some time to trust again, because he or she understands the reason why. Your partner takes full responsibility for breaking your trust and is willing to be patient while you get back to a loving place. This person must deal with the fact that all of your disagreements go back to the cheating (along with the moments of attitude, panic and uncertainty that arise) without complaint. It took time to for your relationship to fall apart, and anyone who wants to
patch things up with you also knows that it's going to take some time to fix it.
|The cheating is no longer about what was lacking in your relationship.|
5. He/she knows the reasons why it happened.
Your lover doesn't blame you for his or her actions. Instead, your partner understands why he or she strayed and even knows what triggers to watch out for. It is no longer about being unhappy with you or wanting more, but about making a bad decision and not valuing what the two of you had together. The cheating is no longer about what was lacking in your relationship, but more about what made your partner risk it all in the first place. There is a maturity about having made such a mistake and knowing how best to avoid repeating it in the future.
6. Your relationship has a new outlook.
As a couple, you both know that you will never again be what you were prior to when the cheating occurred. But you now see that there's a new relationship forming — and while it may not have the innocence of first love, some couples find that after "fixing" their issues, they relate to each other more honestly and view their partners as people rather than some idealized concept that they could never live up to in a relationship.
7. Honestly sharing about things you never knew before.
Honesty sometimes spreads itself around once you've begun openly talking about the ultimate betrayal. You may find that your lover will now tell you more about the nature of his or her prior relationships, treat you as a confidant when it comes to friends' love issues, or give you more insight on what he or she was feeling or thinking at the time the cheating occurred. You may even discover surprising interests and passions that your partner shared with the person he or she cheated with — and not with you.
8. Changes in your partner's environment.
Slowly, you may notice that your lover has stopped seeing certain friends, no longer engages in the same activities, or may even change major aspects of his or her life, such as where your partner lives, works or worships. This means there's a housecleaning going on that will allow this person to be a better partner for you in the future. Any of these small changes could have been major contributors to the cheating, and without making a grand announcement that he or she is doing so, your partner may be making changes in these particular areas to make things work better with you in the relationship.
LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, radio personality and the author of Let's Get It on: 15 Hot Tips and Tricks to Spice up Your Sex Life. Learn more at www.ladawnblack.com.