6 Dating Advice Books For Men
Scanning the self-help and nonfiction bestseller lists, it’s easy to think all dating advice books are written specifically for women. Here, one expert lists the six best dating advice books for men.
can the nonfiction or self-help bestseller lists and you’ll see a plethora of titles aimed at boosting women’s chances for romantic success. There’s no question that ladies have a leg up in the dating and relationship advice department.
But where’s the help written specifically for guys who want to change their dating prospects from so-so to red hot? Men may be from Mars and women
from Venus, but why should this supposed planetary distance stop the average single Joe from getting advice that can help him out?
|Your testosterone count won’t plunge when you pick up one of these tomes.|
Lest you think that reading a dating and relationships guide means you’re a loser at love, think again. The truth is that the right words at the right time can boost your sagging ego after a breakup or fortify you with enough confidence to approach the girl across the room. So read up, men. Your testosterone count won’t plunge when you pick up one of these tomes, but your game might soar. Whether the wisdom is from other players who excel at the rules or a smart chick who offers insider tips on how to score, these six books will get you off the sidelines and into the dating game.
1. AskMen.com Presents The Guy’s Guide to Romance: The 11 Rules for Finding a Woman & Making Her Happy by James Bassil
A soup-to-nuts guidebook for the single guy, James Bassil’s slim tome scores major points as a dating 101 primer, covering all aspects from tips on breaking the ice to becoming a first-date pro. The smart, easy-to-read format offers lots of guy-friendly lists (i.e., “The Top 10 Signs She’s Made for You” and “8 Ways to Make Her Swoon”).
Some of the advice on meeting women is obvious (“Be bold in your approach!”) and there’s an overly long pep talk about overcoming the fear of rejection. But you’d be wise employ the book’s tactics on how to build momentum after breaking the ice by following up with personalized and open-ended questions that show your interest in a woman. The book eloquently nails the truth that, while it’s easier to master the art of banal, disconnected conversation than to focus on connecting with someone on a deeper level, it’s an inefficient use of your wooing energy.
2. Stumbling Naked in the Dark: Overcoming Mistakes Men Make With Women by Bradley Fenton
For those men who can’t seem to break the cycle of rejection, understanding the male/female dynamic is key to changing cyclical dating behaviors that have consistently failed them in the past. In Stumbling Naked in the Dark: Overcoming Mistakes Men Make With Women, author Bradley Fenton debunks the so-called “Superman Myth” that only innately “superhero-ish” guys have the ability to succeed with women. Fenton’s analysis on how men react to rejection and not getting their needs met over time is totally on target. Men who harbor resentment and suffer a lack of confidence when it comes to dating often employ self-defeating, defensive behaviors that Fenton calls “mental blocks” to dating success.
It’s no surprise that the author counts “corporate trainer” among his skill set. He approaches the male/female dating dynamic as if it’s similar to a business negotiation, which it is, in many ways. One aspect of successful negotiating practices includes knowing how to get what you want without coming on too strong. A key tip is to practice healthy indifference — indifference toward her interest in you, that is, not towards her needs or autonomy.
3. The Art of the Approach: The A Game Guide to Meeting Beautiful Women by Logan Edwards
The main message of The Art of the Approach is this: Don’t be a phony. Dating success is something that comes being true to yourself instead of using game-playing tactics, according to author Logan Edwards: “Ultimately, pickup and seduction is about being your best self, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and exploring all of the great ways there are to meet women.” Amen, brother.
Too often, dating books for guys are filled with advice aimed at you changing who you are in order to get the girl. Pure hogwash, as my dad used to say. Dating success is about cultivating your best self and this theme echoes throughout the author’s three key messages:
4. How To Be The Man Women Want: The Get More Confidence and Meet Better Women Guide To Dating by Romy Miller
- Develop yourself into the kind of guy who can approach women with confidence and ease.
- Set realistic expectations for finding women who are interested in you so that your rejection rate isn’t overwhelming (“A 50% success rate is unrealistic,” says Edwards).
- Remember that most real communication is nonverbal. Edwards offers many types of “openers,” which are ways to start off a conversation with a woman. But his overarching point comes across loud and clear: how you say something is more important that what you say.
Men write dating books for women, usually aimed at helping confused gals improve their odds of either
meeting Mr. Right or avoiding Mr. Wrong. So why should it be different for books written for a male audience? Sometimes it takes a woman to help men really understand the fairer sex, and that’s what author Romy Miller does: provide insider advice about dating women from a woman’s perspective.
|Never change yourself into something you don’t want to be.|
It’s not like she’s sharing anything groundbreaking. Her mantras are “confidence, confidence, confidence,” “be cocky, not arrogant,” and “cut your losses if her body language says, ‘not interested.’”
But Miller’s tough love is doled out in a witty writing style that makes this book fun to read as well as informative. Guys, sometimes it’s who you hear the truth from that matters. Maybe hearing straight talk about what works and what doesn’t from a woman will make you sit up and pay more attention than advice from another guy.
5. Undateable: 311 Things Guys Do That Guarantee They Won’t Be Dating or Having Sex by Ellen Rakieten and Anne Coyle
You think men judge women? You don’t know judgmental until you’ve read Rakieten and Coyle’s book on…well, just about everything obnoxious or lame that a guy can do to turn off women. These coauthors explore all the funny (but true) ways that men sabotage their own dating lives.
Here’s just a sample of what you can expect from this book’s list of things to avoid being, doing, wearing and saying to head off first-date disaster: [showing up] “…overly cologned. Way to announce yourself six minutes before you actually enter the room. Yowsa. Your strong and stanky scent is burning our eyes. It’s also ensuring that no matter what we order for dinner, it will taste like Drakkar Noir. You’ve already assaulted three of our five senses and we don’t even know if you rent or own.”
The admonishments doesn’t stop with cologne, either. What about dad jeans, bad facial hair, visible hair plugs and pinkie rings? Awful! And Hawaiian shirts? They scream, “insurance man letting it all hang out.” Some men might find the tone of this book mean-spirited, but hey, both men and women occasionally judge books by their covers. Even if a few entries are a little snarky, the book has done its job if it makes men pay more attention to how we come across when it comes making a first impression with women.
6. The Elite Way: 10 Rules Men Must Know in Order to Deal With Women by Tariq Elite Nasheed
Given that the author is “Game Advisor” Tariq Elite Nasheed (whose other books include The Art Of Mackin’), I expected this book to be a player’s bible filled with slang and manipulative ways for guys to get girls in the sack — but it’s not. The book contains straightforward rules about dating focused on giving any guy a game plan for getting himself in excellent dating shape.
Nasheed breaks down his dating rules into three stages: campaign, maintenance and recovery. It’s a clever way to look at dating, since meeting and getting to know someone is a campaign of sorts. The maintenance chapters are designed to help men understand what to expect once things get serious, and the recovery section offers ways to circumvent or fix common dating mistakes (and how to cut your losses when a relationship isn’t worth fixing).
Notable among his rules are the author’s “five things you should learn from every relationship,” which include these three gems:
So, men, you’ve got six books to guide you gracefully toward dating success. Now get out there and start using them!
- Never change yourself into something you don’t want to be.
- Understand that females you date are always a reflection of your current state of mind.
- Always judge females by their actions, not their words.
Dave Singleton, an award-winning writer and columnist for Match.com since 2003, is the author of two books on dating and relationships. Send your dating questions and comments to him at firstname.lastname@example.org.