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One woman can’t quell her daydreams about the hot German athlete she met. Are fantasies OK?
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By Lynn Harris
 ear Lynn,
Up until recently, I’ve always been able to get over the guy ASAP and not look back. Two weeks ago, though, I met this amazing German guy that I can’t get out of my mind. Sadly, he’s moving back to Europe very soon. Nothing even happened between us. I mean, we had our moments and you could sense that if he wasn’t leaving so soon after we met we would have had a nice little fling. But still — nothing.
Problem: Now I’m left with this irrational idea that I’m never going to find anyone even close to what |  | | I’m never going to find anyone even close to what he's like. |
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he’s like. I mean, he’s tall, dark, and gorgeous. He’s a professional European basketball star — 6’5”, 8-pack — with an MBA in business finance. I shouldn’t need to get over him, because technically, I’ve never been under him. But I still can’t seem to shake the fantasy, and it’s driving me nuts. Any advice?
— Need a European vacation
Dear Need,
Okay, yeah, he sounds hot. Are you sure you can’t develop a sudden interest in European sports management? Send us a postcard from Berlin.
No, no, I kid. But listen: you’re not being as “irrational” as you think. First of all, well, you’re probably not going to meet anyone like him unless you start following both the Dow Jones and Eurobasket, the latter preferably in person. He does sound larger than life, literally and figuratively; no wonder he’s taken a larger-than-reality place in your heart.
Likewise, a fantasy attachment to someone you hardly know isn’t weird at all. That’s what fantasies are for. Real, solid, built-on-time-and-trust attachments are what we have with people we do know.
So what to do with your Euro-hoop dreams? Enjoy them. Worrying about whether or not they’re okay and if you’re insane to be having them just makes them, you know, not fun. Which defeats the purpose. Just make sure your daydreams don’t get in the way of real life pr real opportunities with genuine people who aren’t already packing their bags. Make sure you pursue them, too. (And — while attraction counts for a lot — make sure you don’t limit yourself to one body type, one lofty level of official hotness, etc.) That’s the best way to renew your passport to love.
Lynn Harris (www.lynnharris.net) is co-creator, with Chris Kalb (www.chriskalb.com), of the award-winning website BreakupGirl.net — you can visit BG's blog to discuss this letter! A longtime journalist, Lynn has written about dating, gender, and culture high and low for Glamour, Marie Claire, The New York Times, Salon.com, Nerve.com, and many others. She is currently the communications strategist for Breakthrough, a transnational organization that creates pop culture to promote human rights. Submit your own dating questions for Ask Lynn via bg@breakupgirl.net. Your question may be answered in a future column.
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What part of your personality do you like to emphasize the most on a date? |
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5% |
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My sense of style |
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69% |
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My sense of humor |
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23% |
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My intelligence |
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3% |
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My vanity |
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