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How To Date A Younger Man


What you need to know about romance when there's an age gap.

By C.J. Arabia

“Oh baby you’re young, but that’s okay. What’s give or take nine years, anyway?” Sings rock star Liz Phair in her song “Rock Me.” Cool, smart, talented, successful women date, marry and have flings with younger men all the time. My dad is seven years younger than my mom, and God knows I’ve dated my share of younger men. Younger men are awesome and have a lot to offer to the right woman. So whether you’re having a fling (like Penelope Cruz and Josh Hartnett’s) or it’s true love that will last a lifetime (like Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins), here’s how to play it cool while dating that hot younger man.

Your lips are sealed
Being older, you’ve had a lot more life experience, breakups, relationship horror stories and maybe even
Younger men are awesome and have a lot to offer to the right woman.
a divorce or two. Your new, younger lover doesn’t need to hear about the custody battle, divorce settlement or how that cheating ex did you wrong. “I call it keeping your secret garden,” says Vanessa Marsot, a licensed marriage and family therapist who cohosts the Internet dating and relationship show “LoveStream.” “Have fun enjoying the present and future that you are creating with this new partner and let go of the need to reveal everything about your past.”

Look the other way
It can be nearly impossible to ignore gossip, criticism and judgment, but you can’t live your life according to what other people think and say. Lesley Wolff, coexecutive producer of BET’s Hell Date, had these words of wisdom: “Sometimes the outside world looks at an older woman with a younger man as if she’s avoiding commitment or just playing around. Ignore them. Who’s the one having fun?”

The shock of the new
As we get older, we tend to fall into routines. The same restaurants, gyms, stores, music… A younger guy is the perfect opportunity to break up the monotony. “Latch on to the younger guy’s energy and go along for the ride,” says award-winning psychologist Dr. Joel D. Block. That sexy younger man will introduce you to all sort of things you didn’t even know you enjoyed: sports and activities, foods and restaurants, bands you’ve never heard of — don’t be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone and let him show you a few new tricks.

The question of career clout
Don’t let the fact that you might be more successful than your younger
It totally makes sense that younger men would be attracted to you.
man bother you. It only makes sense that you would be further along in your career; you’ve been working at it longer than he has. My friend Janet’s husband is ten years her junior. She’s an established career woman with her own business and he’s just starting out. I asked him if he had ever been intimidated by Janet’s success. “No way, it’s sexy!” he replied. If he wanted to be with some young girl who is just starting out in life, he would be. He’s with Janet because he loves everything about her and respects how hard she’s worked to get where she is. A lot of younger men will be attracted to your maturity and success; they won’t be intimidated or turned off by it.

Enjoy twin peaks
Men reach their sexual peak in their early 20s and women in their mid-to-late 30s. It totally makes sense that younger men would be attracted to you, and you to them. You’re both in your sexual prime! “A younger man is the very definition of willing and interested,” writes author Lynn Snowden Picket, who says she often forgets her husband is 13-½ years younger. Older men may claim to have all the moves and more experience in bed but, as Lynn says, “All the so-called experience in the world isn’t going to help an older guy if after a meal and half a bottle of wine he’s too tired to be able to show off those presumably stunning techniques.”

Now that you’ve heard my take on the ups and downs of dating a younger guy, why not try it for yourself and see what you think?


Based in Los Angeles, writer C.J. Arabia has worked at most of the television studios.
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