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Ask Margot-Different point of view


One man is trying to move on and be open to love again after his wife’s death. If he’s really ready, what should be his next step?

By Margot Carmichael Lester

ear Margot,
I am a widowed man, and I’ll tell you, I sometimes wonder what I should do in order to meet someone. Is this something I should talk to the Lord about? I feel that the caliber of people has changed. I’m in my 60s, I have no idea how to approach women, and I still feel as though I’m cheating on my wife, even though she passed away two years ago. Can you give me a scripture to meditate on?
—Healing Howard

Dear Healing,
I’m sorry to hear about your wife. The death of your closest companion can take a long time to come to terms with. The only schedule that matters is your
If you want to date women of a certain faith, it’s a good idea to say so.
own. But you wouldn’t be writing to me if you didn’t think you were close to being ready for a relationship.

As it says in Proverbs 31:10, “Who can find a virtuous woman, for her price is far above rubies?” The answer is you!

First, you definitely should talk to the Lord about your quest for a new partner. Some folks think that’s not something that’s worth God’s attention, but I’m not one of them. After all, if it’s good enough for Abraham’s servant, who prayed for help in finding a wife for his master’s son (“O Lord, God of my master Abraham, give me success today…” [Genesis 24:12]), it’s good enough for me.

I know it works, too, because I asked for some divine intervention in my love life several years ago. Like you, I was having a terrible time finding a suitable partner. All my dates were disasters. But I refused to give up hope. I prayed for a good man to find me and for the clarity to know him when he did. And, sure enough, one fine day a man came into my life, and now we’ve been married for five years!

Based on my experience, I think it’s best to ask God to help you find a partner who will bring out the best in you, challenge you in the most constructive ways and love you unconditionally. Ask him to help you know your love when you see her and to give you the patience to await her arrival.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t speed up the process a little by combining prayer with action. Here are some things you can do to meet women of the “caliber” you’re seeking:
  • Post a profile online. It may seem newfangled, but there are many accomplished women looking for love online. If you want to date women of a certain faith, it’s a good idea to say so.
  • Locate a widow/widowers’ support group. If you’re still grieving, find a bereavement support group — and don’t look for love there. But if you’re just feeling kind of funny about dating, a group of people in a similar situation could be a great way to make new friends and take some baby steps toward a new relationship.
  • Join a singles group at your house of worship. This is the best way to meet women who share your religious beliefs and values. It will also give you plenty of things to talk about on dates.
  • Participate in your favorite activities. Doing the things you love puts you in a good position to meet women who also enjoy them. At the very least, staying engaged in activities helps you lead a full life, and that’s very attractive.
And while you’re waiting for the powers that be, here are some lines of scripture that I hope will sustain you as you look for the second love of your life:
  • My God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)
  • But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. (Romans 8:25)
  • He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22)
  • House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. (Proverbs 19:14)
  • So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. (2 Timothy 2:22)
  • He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart. (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
  • Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1)
Hang in there, Howard. With God’s help, I know you’ll find the woman you seek.


Margot Carmichael Lester is a freelance writer based in North Carolina. Send your faith-based dating questions to AskMargot@match.com.
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