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Ask Dr Gilda-Is the doctor flirting?


Is the good doctor actually flirting with her? She senses the heat between them, but there’s only one way she can know for sure.

By Dr. Gilda Carle, Ph.D.

ear Dr. Gilda,
I am a 36-year-old single mom who has a crush on my dog’s vet. I have been flirting with him for quite a while, and I am not sure whether the signs I am seeing suggest that he’s also interested in me. He asks if I have any questions when there is really nothing to ask about my dog, and he always shakes my hand when I’m leaving. And last week he said, “Good to see you, as always.” Am I missing something? I am comfortable around men, even the ones I am attracted to, but this man makes me nervous, he makes my heart race, and he literally gets my temperature up so much that I start to perspire. What should I do? Please help!
—Hopeful Romantic

Dear Hopeful,
You admit you’re flirting with your vet, and no doubt he’s flattered. He may even be contributing
There’s a reason you become sweaty and swoony when you’re around this guy.
to the mutual admiration. From your description, he’s acting as any professional would, warmly greeting you and showing emotional availability to your (pet’s) needs. While nothing you describe seems romantic in the way he’s treating you, it is possible that he’s conflicted about how to proceed if he wanted to pursue.

There’s a reason you become sweaty and swoony when you’re around this guy. I bet you’ve recently experienced a spate of emotionally unavailable men who disappointed you. Do you view your vet as one of the few good opportunities you have for a genuine connection? What do you really know about Mr. Vet? Is he single and interested in dating? Has he ever referenced his private life? It is possible that while he is wonderfully open and accessible professionally, he’s personally closed down where he
You’ll either get a shot at love or recognize that it’s time to let the fantasy go.
feels more vulnerable. Or, he may even be married! It’s time to bring this fantasy to a head.

Short of casing his life with a private detective, test the good doctor’s availability. Invite him to an event you plan to attend. If possible, extend your invitation in person. That’s all you have to do. Carefully observe his response. It will tell you everything. While you listen to the words he says, also check his body language and tone of voice.

Whatever the outcome, protect yourself. Here’s how:
  1. Since you have been flirting with Mr. Vet “for quite a while,” your fantasies have had much time to jell. If he agrees to accompany you to the event, don’t imagine you’re headed to the altar. It’s just a date and nothing more — at least for now.

  2. If he offers an excuse, accept it and walk away from your dreamy thoughts. While he legitimately might not be able to make it to your event, your invitation may jump-start his idea of you as a date. Now the ball is in his court. If he’s really into you, he’ll do the asking next.

  3. No matter how he responds, go out with your gal pals and enjoy your life. As my Gilda-Gram says, “Don’t pursue happiness; live it!” Whatever is supposed to happen is already in play — and you already gave the heavens a little nudge. Be exciting and inviting as you allow fate to take its course. Your openness will spill over to all-new encounters, so expect plenty, because when it rains, it pours!
Your chic invitation will present you as being proactive yet not persistent. The best thing is that you’ll either get a shot at love or recognize that it’s time to let the fantasy go. Whatever the outcome, you win!


Relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle, Ph.D., gives Instant Advice throughout the world via Skype, email and phone. She is the 30-Second Therapist for Today.com. Her best-selling books include Don’t Bet on the Prince!, 99 Prescriptions for Fidelity and How to Win When Your Mate Cheats. Please visit her website at (DrGilda.com).
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