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Rev Up Your love Life With These Tips!
Guys: Who’s your songbird?

Guys: Who’s your songbird?

By Nina Malkin

Madonna may be long out of her come-hither corset phase, but other female singers have picked up the torch — and chances are, you’ve got a crush on one of the music scene’s chart-toppers. Whoever happens to spin your dials can reveal volumes about your romantic patterns, what you want in a woman — and what you should watch out for. Go behind the music to learn what your MTV fantasy really means.

1. The Bratty Rule-Breaker
The usual suspects: “Bottoms Up” to Nicki Minaj, “Heavy Metal Lover” Lady Gaga and “Sleazy” Ke$ha
What’s so hot about her? If you like these singers, your dream girl is likely to be wild, exciting — the kind you can’t bring home to mom! If you go for this type of bad girl in real life, she may help you tap into your own rebellious streak... or at least let you live vicariously through her. Another possibility: You may be drawn to this type of woman in order to play out the valiant knight role and save her from herself.
What it means: “If you want a wild ride, you’re not ready for a real relationship,” says Boston-based relationship, career and executive coach Suzanne Blake, author of Great News for Dating and Mating. “The rebellious girl is like a Ferrari, but to go the distance you need a station wagon.” A guy who, on the other hand, is compelled to rescue a self-destructive diva may really be looking for an ego stroke himself. “It feels good to be a hero, but ask yourself: Will she still be attractive to you if she settles down?” says Blake. Whatever attracts you to this type of woman, take care to protect your heart. “She may seem exciting and passionate, but she may turn out to be an emotionally unstable person who could contaminate your life with her antics,” warns clinical psychologist Molly Barrow, Ph.D., author of Matchlines: A Revolutionary New Way of Looking at Relationships and Making the Right Choices in Love.
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2. The Easygoing Gal
The usual suspects: Kelly “Anytime” Clarkson, Sheryl “Soak up the Sun” Crow, Martina “Happy Girl” McBride
What’s so hot about her? If you fall for this type of chick, you like the always-available, low-maintenance woman whose dream date is a tailgate party. If you’re on the rebound, the easygoing gal always looks good. But she’s also particularly attractive to the fiery, ambitious, Type-A kind of guy. “If you’re high-maintenance yourself, you may be attracted to someone who doesn’t demand much,” says Blake.
What it means: “Your life is already intense — you don’t want to deal with drama in a relationship,” says Blake. Trouble is, you could get bored with Ms. Mellow. Accomplished, driven men may not be satisfied over the long haul with a woman who doesn’t compete with them neck-and-neck. “Balance is important in any relationship,” points out Barrow. “If one partner is too laid back, the relationship can become stagnant.” That said, don’t take the easygoing gal for granted. Being low-maintenance doesn’t make her a doormat. Open up the communication, tell her what you need and challenge her to challenge you — you may just be in for a nice surprise!

3. The Superstar Sweetheart
The usual suspects: Beyoncé (the “Hip Hop Star” who’s all about “Me, Myself and I”), Gwen Stefani (the “Luxurious,” “Cool,” “Serious,” “Rich Girl”), Fergie (“The Dutchess,” with a tune in her own homage, “Fergalicious”)
What’s so hot about her? Duh! If you’re drawn to this kind of woman, you’re into the whole package... the body, the brains, the bank account — she’s the woman everyone wants. Of course, she may be unattainable (as in, involved with someone else). But if you do land the perfect lady, well, that would make you pretty darned perfect, too.
What it means: It’s great to have high standards, but if no regular girl is good enough and your pattern is a romantic mission impossible, you may be a “perennial pursuer” in therapy-speak. In other words, your quest for the ideal woman could be an excuse to avoid a relationship. If you do succeed and reel in a superstar, beware: Since the world revolves around her, “she may not be able to be there for you when you really need to talk,” says Barrow. Ask yourself if you’d be frustrated going around in her shadow. “Most men want to feel they bring something to the table,” says Blake. “You don’t want to be her Chihuahua.”

4. The Femme Fatale
The usual suspects: Christina Aguilera (the “Stripped” siren who’s “Still Dirrty”), Shakira (who wants to get “Underneath Your Clothes,” “Whenever, Wherever”), and “Only Girl (In the World)” Rihanna
What’s so hot about her? A woman who’s confident about her sexuality casts quite a spell. Being with her makes you feel good — physically, of course, but also emotionally, since it’s a big boost to be with such an obvious object of desire.
What it means: You may be looking at relationships in a shallow way right now. “Passion diminishes to some degree after a point — only depth can satisfy long-term,” says Blake. “Getting physical is not the only way to get support from a woman. She should have the spirituality and emotional intelligence to see you through the ups and downs.” Oh, and another caveat? The woman who screams seduction at you may be broadcasting the same message elsewhere (or everywhere). That doesn’t mean you must forgo the Femme Fatale — often, her bawdy bravado is a cover-up for what’s really going on inside. “Find the substantial person beneath the sexy image,” suggests Blake.

5. The Ditzy Diva
The usual suspects: Jessica Simpson (who sang “Walkin’ ‘Round in a Circle,” “You Spin Me Round (Like a Record),” and the Pulitzer-worthy “Push the Tush”), Britney Spears (who just wants to “Do Somethin’” despite singing “Oops…I Did It Again”) and Katy Perry (the “Teenage Dream” you went out with “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)”)
What’s so hot about her? She’s innocent, adorable and hilarious (even if she doesn’t always get the joke). “When you’re with her you feel strong and powerful,” says Blake.
What it means: If you’re drawn to this type of woman, brace yourself for a you-give-she-takes affair. Is this a good thing? “You bring so much to the relationship, but there’s no reciprocity,” Blake says. “When you give, you’re in control. When you receive, you show vulnerability.” Over time, however, such a one-sided relationship can become exhausting. “She might keep you laughing until she forgets to pick up the kids at daycare,” cautions Barrow. Try encouraging the ditzy diva to step up, figure something out on her own, and basically be there for you. She may be “playing dumb” because that act has worked for her in the past... after all, it got your attention! But there’s a good chance she can do better. Why not lay down the challenge and see?

Nina Malkin is the author of An Unlikely Cat Lady: Feral Adventures in the Backyard Jungle.



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