How to end a date gracefully
By Dee Anne Merriman Stiles
Here comes that most awkward date time again. You've talked, smiled and (hopefully) laughed and had a good time meeting your new date over lunch or beverages. The check comes. The date is about to end. It's that drum rolling check out the verdict time: To date or not to date again, that is the awkward question — unless, of course, you both jet to the escape door or it's a mutual chemistry-sparking "click".
There's an art to ending the date in style so that everyone wins — no matter what the verdict — new friend, passing acquaintance, date interest or potential future soul mate.
Here are some guidelines on how we women would like a guy to end a date in style:
The golden rule
Even if you don't click, everyone has value and feelings. Be a gentleman. Treat a lady the way you'd want to be treated — with respect, kindness and manners. Politely excuse yourself courteously.
Be honest - Too nice can be too mean
Being too nice to be honest can be meaner in the long run. This is called the "Too Nice Syndrome." Since we don't want to hurt someone's feelings, we say something like, "Sure, maybe we can do it again sometime." Of course, we know we won't. Then many times we have to start playing the avoidance game. Be honest if the date is not a match. It saves everyone a lot of time, constant rejection and less hurt feelings.
For the brave: Talk about it
We all know that women love to talk things out. Some women who are really secure and want to improve their dating skills and self, welcome honest insights and constructive feedback. The trick, of course, is to know who these women are. When you find them, be bold and talk the date out — the positives, the mismatches. You'll both grow from each other's insights and feedback. You may even end up being friends and good networking buddies.
Showing can help with the telling
Actions really can speak louder than words and really help get your message across. Here are the classics from the red to the green lights:
• Handshake - good-bye and happy trails to you
• Friendly hug - good-bye, you're a great person and potential friend
• Peck on the cheek - a gentleman's parting - could go either way
• The brief kiss - yellow light to see how she reacts
• The basic kiss - yes I like you, are the sparks flying?
• The make out - a promising green light for later on
Some simple date ending dos and don'ts:
1. Do be a prince of a guy and show me the courtesy of walking me to my car — especially at night for safety reasons.
2. Do tell and show me how you feel, in a nice way —whether you want to date me again or not.
3. Do turn a platonic date into a potentially great contact and friendship.
4. Do have fun and learn from everyone you meet. Even if the date is a disaster, at least we can have a good laugh about it!
5. Do end on a positive note with classy exit comments about what you did like: "I'm ready to call it a night. I think you're a wonderful person even though we're not a match. Here's why.."
1. Don't say you'll call if you know that you won't.
2. Don't beg for another date. Being needy is a turn-off.
3. Don't try to get me drunk and seduce me at the end of the first date.
4. Don't take it personally if I say there's just no chemistry between us. It doesn't mean you're not a great person. It just means that you're not that one in a thousand or a million. But, you are to someone else.
5. Don't move in for the big mushy-mauler kiss — especially if I'm not giving you any green lights.
6. Don't think and act as if every date has to be The One. Ease up on the pressure and don't expect a big kiss if the date hasn't gone well.