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34 year old man | Columbus, OH, USA | Seeking women 28-40 within 50 miles

Active within 24 hours

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  • About
  • Photos 16

His details

Never Married
Have kids:
Wants kids:
Probably not
White / Caucasian
Body type:
About average
6'0" (182cms)
Spiritual but not religious
No Way
I wrote a bunch of (hopefully) funny crap...

In his own words

I wrote a bunch of (hopefully) funny crap below, but the truth is I just want to find somebody and be happy together. Please keep that in mind :) ENFP I enjoy writing. The following is meant to be fun. For me. And maybe for you! The information is true, but the tone should probably not be ascribed to my entire personality. Generally. I simply don't feel like writing the same boring profile everyone else writes. This has probably cost me millions of dates. I know this. Onward. Welcome to my profile! That's a great outfit you're wearing, whatever it is! And your hair/bald head/Hello Kitty scalp tattoo looks amazing! You're definitely aging better than that dumpy siamese twin of yours. Two important things: First, please read my profile and info. It's frustrating to get to know someone only to hear something I've had front and center since day one is a dealbreaker. Second, I don't need the next person I date to be the person I stay with forever (but that's great if they are). That means differences aren't dealbreakers for me. Okay, back to more fun stuff: Are you jumping into the suspiciously warm waters of online dating because more corporeal folks all seem the same? Because everyone is trying so hard to be a hipster or a yuppie or some other template where you can guess all of their interests and opinions just by looking at them? Go ahead, guess what music I listen to. WRONG! You're so stupid! Just kidding. Sorry about that. I mean, some of you are stupid. No offense; it's statistics! You're maybe stupid. There. Now that you're here, may I ask yet another rhetorical question? If so, continue reading. The question is right after this colon: Are you tired of guys who can't find any of their shirts? Because I know where almost all of my shirts are. Despite how impossible it may seem, I have my crap together. Homeowner, good job, financially stable, etc. I guess it's possible I got fired like a second ago and didn't immediately rush to update my match profile, and my condo building was assaulted by ball lightning and burned down, and I went on a bender and spent all my savings on a fleet of riding lawn mowers for a pilot script I will have started writing called "John Deer" about a kinda half-post-apocalyptic society where men caught soliciting prostitutes must perform court-ordered community service by driving riding lawn mowers into the forest and running over sleeping ten-point bucks to cull rampant overpopulation. But if that happens I'll reply to you and say, sorry, my bad, I did the lawn mower thing. I'm pretty nerdy. There are video games in my home and the person living there plays them and I don't have roommates so you do the math. I can also do math. 23 x 17 = 391! I did that in like two seconds. I do have a softer side. I'm often completely amazed at the beauty of things. I'd like to share that amazement and wonder with someone. I listen to electronic music. IDM (not EDM) and dnb (kinda EDM). Aphex Twin (see? you didn't know that), Venetian Snares, Noisia, etc. Also Sigur Ros, Third Eye Blind, NIN, random 90s music. I'm a big reader. Contemporary lit, nonfiction with titles like "Ouch: How Cacti Helped Us Colonize Jupiter" (not a real book), psych. My favorite sport is betting on the color of Gatorade thrown on the winning coach at the Super Bowl. I also follow OSU, the Reds, and the Bengals. Have you noticed my Oxford comma? I'm looking for someone who will say lots of inappropriate things with me. I love learning, no matter what the topic. I also like drinking and being dumb. It's a delicate balance. But if you're not intellectually curious, we're not going to work in the long term. I hate to say this, but let's face it, looks matter. The rules of physical attraction don't go out the window just because we're online. Speaking of going out the window, here are some cool words: defenestrate, mithridatism, heliogabaline. Words are fun. Ok bye!

His interests

Book club , Coffee and conversation , Dining out , Movies/Videos , Museums and art , Music and concerts , Exploring new areas , Playing cards , Playing sports , Political interests , Travel/Sightseeing , Video games , Watching sports , Wine tasting

Sports & exercise

Baseball, Basketball, Billiards / Pool, Running, Skiing, Tennis / Racquet sports, Walking / Hiking

I exercise 1-2 times per week.


Don't display my sign


I like Cats, Dogs, Exotic Pets

Political views

Middle of the Road

Favorite hot spots

Volcanos, Betelgeuse, the surface of a pizza


The Ohio State University, Columbus, OH

Favorite things

Ducks, Inception, The West Wing, Mexican Food, Writing, Banter, Physics, Airheads Bites, David Foster Wallace, Nerdy RPGs, Seat Heaters, Naked Singularities, Louis CK, Ohio State, Trappist Ales, Game of Thrones, True Detective, The Luminaries.

For fun

I'm lucky to have a few really good friends who I really love getting together with and talking for hours. That's my favorite thing to do.

Last read

The Orphan Master's Son; Tenth of December; Thinking Fast and Slow; Antifragile; Joseph Anton; The People in the Trees; Life After Life; The Luminaries; just finished The Bone Clocks. Now reading Strange Bodies. Lots of contemporary lit.

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More about him Create a profile to see what you share in common »

  Him What he is looking for
Height: 6'0" (182cms) 3'0" (91cms) to 8'11" (271cms)
Body type: About average Slender, About average, Athletic and toned
Eyes: Hazel No preference
Hair: Light brown No preference
Smoke: No Way No Way, Occasionally
Drink: Moderately Social Drinker, Regularly, Moderately
Occupation: Legal No preference
Income: $150,001+ No preference
Relationship: Never Married Never Married, Divorced
Have kids: No Yes, and they sometimes live at home, No, Yes, and they live away from home
Wants kids: Probably not Not sure, Probably not, No, No, but it's OK if my partner has kids
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian No preference
Personal dating anecdote that has nothing to do with ethnicity: I went out with someone from Tinder once, and she crashed her car twice within two blocks of the bar. (I was in the car; points for me!) Friends don't let friends use Tinder.
Faith: Spiritual but not religious Agnostic, Atheist, Spiritual but not religious, Other
I don't believe in a personal god, so that makes me atheist, but I'm interested in mindfulness and other contemplative ways of thinking and dealing with the human experience.
Languages: English English
Education: Graduate degree Bachelors degree, Graduate degree, PhD / Post Doctoral
I consider my JD a graduate degree. It wasn't that difficult :)
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