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Rev Up Your Love Life With These Tips!


42 year old man | Denver, CO, USA | Seeking women 32-42 within 15 miles

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  • About
  • Photos 1

His details

Have kids:
Wants kids:
White / Caucasian
Body type:
About average
5'11" (180cms)
No Way
I am portly, and I am maroon

In his own words

The following profile relies heavily on metaphor and hyperbole. For example, when I write"I have a supernumerary nipple," what I actually am trying to convey is that I would like to start a family soon. You see, I really only have two nipples, but am using nipples as a metaphor for nursing and the idea of too many of them to impart some urgency to the idea Too much? Alright, I'll dial it back a bit. To begin with I am neither portly, nor maroon; nor am I a sofa Two words mate: AUSTRALIA! That's right, you went back and read it twice to double-check that you didn't miss a word. In doing so you read AUSTRALIA! twice. That makes it two words, right? There is simply no way I can convey to you the extent of my attractive qualities in a mere 4000 characters. So I offer you Terra Australis Incognita as a metaphoe. Read all you can of the anitpodean continent and then pretend it's a man. That's me, in a nutshell. Well, that's me except for the groovy accent, the plethora of deadly fauna and flora, the Opera House and the dessicated middle section. And although it is rare, it does snow in Australia and any proxy of mine better have snow. Imagine hopping on an airplane and traveling almost as far as possible away from where you are now. You will not only get swelled feet, but you will lose a day as well. I've been known to cause these symptoms myself. If you leave in summer you will arrive in winter and vice-versa. When you finally arrive you get off the plane and whoa! So many people here so much like the people back home, and yet so very, very, very far from home. They eat almost all the same things as you, they drink almost all the same things as you. Then have normal bathrooms and casinos and beer commercials. And yet when you drink said beer in said casino forcing you to visit said bathroom, the toilet flush swirls in the completely opposite direction. Similar as it all seem, at some levels it is completely different. It is somewhat odd, yet entirely charming. It is the koala bear and the platypus. It is a road so long and so straight and so barren that it transcends monotony and becomes intriguing. Its indigenous culture is the oldest (by a long shot) in the world. And if you've ever seen an Aussie drink beer... Australia doesn't get into wars, doesn't export tons and tons of saccharine "entertainment," doesn't put lots of products in its hair and doesn't post pictures of itself without its shirt on Australia is in pretty good shape for its age, and knows one of the best ways to please a woman is to treat 'er to an arvo of none too bodgy middy coldies watching the aerial pingpong on the telly! I could go on, but with the limited space here I'd just as soon have you go read up on the subject and then decide if maybe I'm the kind place you'd like to visit. Er, the kind of fella you'd like to pash, er meet. Okay, so writing something like this makes me out to be a bit of an ocker, doesn't it? Just chalk it up to a sense of humor drier than a Nun's nasty So here's the good news: I'm looking for a woman whose favorite things to do include drinking beer, eating damn good food and engaging in stimulating conversation; because my favorite are brewing incredibly delicious beer, slow cooking pork or brisket, and skydiving. Skiing used to be my favorite but skydiving broadens my travel opportunities. Getting high is awesome, too. High as in mountains, planes and helicopters. On the tamer side I love restaurants; from Pho 94 to Table 7;fine dining downtown to a walk-up window on Colfax; the appertivo to the digestif; the rezzy to the tip. I have an old soul and value things like honesty, romance, integrity and civic responsibility. Civic responsibility? Yeah, I know. I also place a premium on imagination, tolerance, and an unrestrainable desire to cut loose and enjoy oneself. I like to travel for music festivals, trekking opportunities and suntans.

His interests

Camping , Coffee and conversation , Cooking , Fishing/Hunting , Museums and art , Music and concerts , Political interests , Travel/Sightseeing

Sports & exercise

Billiards / Pool, Bowling, Cycling, Golf, Inline skating, Running, Skiing, Soccer, Walking / Hiking, Weights / Machines

I exercise 3-4 times per week.




I have Cats

I have two cats: Waffles and Hayduke. One's a politician, the other a total anarchist. I have a time traveling dog. The dog stuck somewhere in my future. It could actually be your dog.

Political views


Favorite hot spots

Chicago. Oswego. Vieques, Puerto Rico. San Francisco, New York City, anywhere that's pretty. Someplace foreign, someplace French, sitting on a Wash Park Bench. Spaces in between. DenverPressClub. Canyonlands. ABasin. Colfax. Mom's for Christmas

Favorite things

Bookshelves. Acceleration. Beer. Yard work. Riparian Zones. Museums. Civil arguments. Wikipedia. Mashtuns. Home. Prog Rock. BBQ. Intelligence. Snow. Cooking. GB Packers. Tickets to a hockey game. Family (most of 'em). Departure gates. Motorcycles.

For fun

If it involves the mountains I'm all for it. If not, it better involve red wine, gravity, wheels, manicured lawns, a helmet, an altimeter, and/or yeast. I love staying in to read and cook and brew beer; and going out for music and food and action.

Last read

As one of those 2 or 3 books a week people I find this field annoying. It was probably something along the lines of social histories, science fictions, cookbooks, biographies, travel essays, literature or any one of a number of magazines I receive.

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More about him Create a profile to see what you share in common »

  Him What he is looking for
Height: 5'11" (180cms) 3'4" (101cms) to 5'11" (180cms)
Body type: About average Slender, About average, Athletic and toned
Eyes: Blue No preference
Hair: Dark brown No preference
Smoke: No Way No preference
Drink: Regularly Social Drinker, Regularly, Moderately
Occupation: Self-Employed / Entrepreneur No preference
I was in PR until I tired of all the lies, so I got into law. I was a lawyer until I tired of all the lies. I finally grew a conscience, and now I create bliss for beer drinkers. Who knew growing up in Syracuse would one day have so many benefits.
Income: $100,001 to $150,000 No preference
Relationship: Divorced No preference
Have kids: No No
Wants kids: Definitely No preference
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian No preference
I'm an haole. Some people want to switch the "a" and the "h". I'm a Yankee, but say things like "y'awl" and "howdy!: When I think of ethnicity I think of food. Then I drool. There's a Polish bootlegger, a Suffragette and a monkey in my family tree.
Faith: Other No preference
I believe in the basic teachings of Phrenology. Bwah-ha ha! Call me a post-modern Usonian if you must, but as W.C. Fields liked to say: "Everybody needs to believe in something, I believe I'll have another drink!"
Languages: English, French English
Education: Graduate degree No preference
4 years of film school, 3 years of law school. Das weir kein hexenwerk? The best teachers I've had were Vonnegut, HS Thompson and Kerouac. We are all here to fart around and don't let anyone tell you different.
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